Constant Struggle.

These past few days have been rough. With my diet it hard to have the necessary energy to do the basic things. My discipline is dwindling constantly. Yesterday I hit up the girl I went out with for Valentines day. We were talking and I asked her if that she was available Friday evening for drinks. After a while she sent this long text saying that her performance at work is getting worse and that she needs to get head in the game. Pretty much she didn’t want to see me anymore.

I screamed. This was something I normally didn’t do. I’m kinda used to rejection but this one really, really hit me hard. I honestly truly believed that this girl would be the one where it leads into a relationship. I should have been incredulous with my bad luck with women.

I cursed out God. I looked up in my ceiling and cursed at him, cursed him for making my life the way it was, cursing him for bringing me hardship. I told him to kill me, it was rough. I cried. The emotion snowballed and I poured out. I cursed God for my life.

The next morning I woke up with a painstaking headache. I somehow had a sore throat and I felt really nauseous. Karma and God did what I asked them to do, they punished me. I felt the pain. My head felt like it was about to explode. Every movement felt like the world was spinning. I felt cold. I called out of work. I believe I truly felt God’s wrath.

I got up, ate breakfast, took some Advil  and decided to head into the city. I was walking slower than usually and felt fatigued. I felt better throughout the morning as I went into a coffee shop and worked on a few things. Listening to a very good video about hustling in life. It was very motivating. I got up and tried to approach women. I didn’t approach in the front. I did my usually from the side. Nothing crazy. I was walking around for hours with this headache, trying to get something. However I didn’t get anything. I’m not mad. This whole week has been a roller coaster of emotions. I’m not going to let this defeat me. I will get better and I will overcome the walls in my life.

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