Have you ever had a day where you couldn’t do anything? You try to be productive but you can’t? I had that day today. A day full of nothing.
I didn’t have work today so after the gym this morning I decided to head to a coffee shop and work for a few good hours. What kind of work you may ask? Reading, writing, drawing and learning about marketing/sales/finance, pretty much anything to help me in my long term career.
I did none of that. I was in the coffee shop, unmotivated. I had the tools to get started but my head wasn’t there. The internet was a huge distraction as I was browsing Reddit and watching mindless YouTube videos. I knew what I was doing wasn’t going to help me in the long term but I couldn’t snap out of it. A wave of fatigue came over me. The americano not doing it’s job. I was totally helpless.
I couldn’t work. I couldn’t do what I intended to do. I felt self conscious with the people around me. I packed my things and left. I didn’t want to go home so quick so I wandered a bit in the city. I told myself to approach five women but I managed to approach one. She didn’t know how to hold a conversation so I just left.
Throughout the train ride home I kept thinking out my life purpose. What am I doing? Everyday felt the same. I felt like I wasn’t changing. I felt like I wasn’t improving. I felt the same. Is this what my life is? Working some dead end job and living with my parents forever? The thought of all that scared me, I know that if I want to change my life and my circumstance then I need to take action. I don’t want to take action. I don’t want to do the hard work. I want everything to come easy. I don’t want to struggle
I feel like I’m in this loop where everything is the same. No matter how hard I try to change things I always end up back on the loop. It’s almost the end of February, what have I done? Nothing. I try to do things but nothing. I need help.